I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
