Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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