i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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