Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
