I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
