hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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