Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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