i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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