is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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