Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize