I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You made out with two different species that night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
