I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dignity is for republicans.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The power of my boobs compel you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
