My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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