My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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