I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
