I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
