the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
