How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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