We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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