I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
