haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's like iHOP with fire
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
