i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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