Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
