But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
