He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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