farters have to be the big spoon...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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