so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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