Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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