just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize