I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
