Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
