LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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