Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
