the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
