I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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