I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
