I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I love you. Go after that dick
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
