what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
