that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
