Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
