So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
