I am in a vortex of obligation.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's blow job season.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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