I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
