so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
