girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
