Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
