i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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