i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
