White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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