I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
