Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
