at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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