girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
