u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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