Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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