I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
