bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
