I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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