Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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