He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
