I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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