ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
